It sucked, 'nuff said. worst thing that I've been through since moving twice, being disowned by my friends. ad a whole bunch of stuff.


ALone, no newyears kiss.. and HE was IN TOWN at HIS HOUSE and couldnt take the considerationt o say "Well, hey. I'll spend newyears with you. since i love you." BULL FUCKING HSIT


What is this, a fairytale?


fuck my life.

...Seems the only time I update here is when I'm depressed or just needing a place to write where nobody cares about it.

Either way. I have no luck:

I've ordered something incredibly expensive.. really expensive.. And I havent ever EVER had a problem with Canada post before... Guess this is a time to start.
The sender put the wrong address. It got to the city now, but I havent a clue where it is. "On hold" it says.. on hold..where..
And ofcourse, since its a part of my doll, I have to obsess over it. *bad move.. because everyone just rolls their eyes at me.. Talk about belittling.. What, I cant have something to sing about? Seems like it.*

I wouldnt mind something that makes me happy, a material something.. Not money, or some fancycomputer to own everything in its path.

No, I want something like my doll, WHo I am currently building to my likings. I want THAT ..I cant be happy about him and talk about him because I;m obsessed.. It hurts, really.

We all have a hobby we like, let it be collecting action figures, or video games, or Miniatures that cost more than they're worth.
I have my BJD, they have their other things. They talk about their hobby, And I cant?
They sigh, and say things like "Oh that DOLL again, Huh." Sure I like to talk about him. Hes my boy. I love him, Why would I pay 700$ for something I hated.
(Yes yes, I didnt pay the full 700...)

Some times I just wanna go sleep, and dream about somethings I cant have, make it seem like they're here.




ANother thing I've realized, I get depressed around the christmas season, I'm curious as to why. Though I'd never tell someone about it. Hell, I dont even know why.

I must have a chemical imbalance in my head thats causing this.
They dont happen all the time. I just have a moment where I just wanna say Fuck you to everything that I come across and hide myself.

This feels like Last year again. Where did my happines go? THis has to be a part of "Growing Up"

Am allergic to silver..


so WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT SAY!?

..No I'm not a vampire.. I just cant wear ALL MY JEWLWERY ANYMORE...

Byebye locket TT^TT

Lets party! I got new sketches that I've been holding for like evar.. I havent a clue when I'll send em in or not.

ANYWHO

I passed my English course. 51 but it's a pass goddammit. (AP English is a bitch.)

SO I get.. 200$ from my aunt. ;D Tadaaahhh and thenn...

AIKON MONIES BWAHAHAHAHAAH ;D

I did nothing wrong to deserve this.

This whole week has just been a disaster.
He bit a poledancer...
I'm barely passing my classes

My friends neglect me. and make me feel like absolute scum.
What did I do to deserve this..?
This hatefull...depression. Whatever you may call it.

I wanna be back to the same. What did I do to deserve this?

I wanna go bike riding.. I wanna go swimming.. I've offered countless times...to bring any of you to my home.. and swim. It may not be deep enough. but it still works..

For those who are OBSESSED with their weight and cant go a day without doing 15K for bikerides..

I;d be willing to try atleast....

Isnt trying ammounting to anything?
...seems not

I want to be included. Camping. walking. rollerblading? anyone care to think that I got a 180$ pair of rollerblades to sit there?

...What changed? Was it because I'm closer to him?
Is it that?
....if not.. then what?


Maybe goodbyes are a second chance..... Could that be it?

I'm lost.. for any means as to what. or why this is happening to me.. Was it something I did.. Was it something I said?